Rick Bayliss is trying to kill me

I had some time before my train ride home, so I thought why not go and try the new takeout place that rick bayliss has. I went in, ordered a pork concoction (i mean, I loves me some pork and isn't the word "concoction" fun to say?) and went on my way to the train. The food was delicious.......however.......about 30 minutes into the eating I felt a tingling under my tongue....then the swelling started (It would be fun when someone says "how was your night" to just answer "fine until the swelling started"). So I'm on the train, my tongue is swollen, and my lips start to swell. Then.....I break out into hives. People are looking at me cause I swear they can see it happening right before their eyes. I get off the train and go to walgreens where the pharmacist, looking horrified, suggests I drink some benedryl. Then take some benedryl pills....while on my way to the emergency room. I of course just slug down the benedryl and head home. At this point my entire body feels as if it is on fire and itches all over. I feel as if my throat is starting to close up but cannot be sure if I am just in a panic or actually dying. I decide to ride it out (which for me means drinking mass quantities of water and alternately chewing benedryl tablets) and begin a hallucination/fantasy of bayliss in his kitchen, rubbing his hands saying "take that my little pretty" all because I was rooting for whatshisnuts keller on top chef masters. YOU WIN BAYLISS!! YOU WON! I give!!!

I suck at hello kitty bingo.....

So's I go over to see the girlies cause I need some 3/4 year old time., plus it is nice to be ordered around by little tiny people. We made pizza, we drank wine (no not the 3 and 4 year olds.. sheesh folks) and then decided to watch the secret of nimh....well WE didn't decide, the 4 year old did. I have to say my attention span does not relate well to the secret of nimh. Who is nimh? Is it a what? I'm still confused...anyhow, in a very lovely comfy godmother/goddaughter moment, 4 year old snuggled up with me and we watched nimh. To be honest I would have watched paint dry with her. So I'm watching this movie and at the same time trying to converse with the adults in the room who are sitting behind and to my right. Everytime I speak, 4 year old SHUSSSHES me. After numerous shuusssshes she tells me "you can talk to them but you have to look forward and watch this" So I talk while keeping my eyes firmly forward looking for and trying to figure out this whole nimh thing. After several minutes becky says "Why won't you look at me when you talk?" And I felt foolish saying "because your 4 year old daughter won't let me!!!". Well she finally gets bored of nimh (and now i'm oddly facinated cause I still don't get the nimh thing and WHY everyone is running from the tractor, but thankfully I have a short attention span. We decide to play hello kitty bingo. I really enjoy hello kitty bingo, especially when a 3 year old calls it. Every call produces a "oooh isn't that adorable" reaction from this devoted aunt. So we play and Uncle Teve yells bingo....daddy yells bingo.....4 year old yells bingo, mommy yells bingo, back to uncle teve and so on and poor ole auntie godmudder is getting nothing. I mean, seriously....sucking at hello kitty bingo???

Its ALWAYS someones time of the month

So, or So's (shout out to LA) I'm in walgreens last night dropping off a prescription. It is about 1030 pm, on a saturday. There, in the sanitary needs aisle, is a very large thugish gangbanger type looking pretty fierce. He is on the phone and holding a box of minipads. "Baby, the only ones I see are the ones in the green package. Oh baby, no no, don't make me ask anyone". The poor thing is arguing on the phone, but his tone is hushed and fearful. He hangs up the phone and continues down the aisle to check out firmly gripping his green packaged mini pads. He gets up to the counter and the clerk says "these are buy one get one with coupon, I have the coupon right here" (The guy is trying to shush her and tell her this is fine he just wants this one) "CURTIS!! CURTIS!!" A young man in a walgreen's vest turns and looks towards the cash register "SEE THIS PACKAGE OF MINI PADS???? CAN YOU GO IN THE MINI PAD AISLE AND GET ANOTHER ONE FOR THIS GUY??? IT IS BUY ONE GET ONE!!" She turns to the guy "DO YOU WANT MAYBE ANOTHER KIND??" I say 'Yea, those are light, perhaps you have a heavy flow option?" The clerk says 'OH YEA, THAT IS A GOOD IDEA - CURTIS!! CURTIS!!! I THINK THE GUY WANTS THE HEAVY FLOW OPTION - THE BLUE ONE!!". To which the gangbanger totally -whipped guy says "um, yea , I actually was looking for the blue one....".

Can't make this stuff up.

Where my moisture at???

I woke up this morning and groggily went into the bathroom to take care of my morning needs. I happened to glance into the mirror over the basin and got very nervous as some old hag was apparently standing in front of me! A very slim old hag as I was pressed up against the sink (or maybe it is just my new bloated belly full of drink and cookies). There was something oddly familiar about the face so I gathered all my bravery and looked again. OH...MY.... GOD...It is me, during the night some alien creature ala dr who took my moisture!!! My face is dry, wrinkly and haglike!! Then it dawned on me. My moisture is here, just re-assigned. My fingers are like little sausages as is my belly (no, my belly is like a medicine ball, solid but capable of movement), and my calves.... My solution....I am going to stand on my head in the hopes that the moisture goes back to whence it came.

Happy freakin new year in deed. Motherf'ers.

delicious but challenging

so I have been experimenting with pumpkin cookies and have one that I think is a delicious one. It tastes really good.....but......it is the same color as baby poop. Or that one type of baby poop.

Just saying...

zoom zoom zooma zoom

I feel like I am in one of those movies where the main character is suspended in slow mo while the rest of the world whizzes by her/him/it/whatever. Its almost like I'm sitting on a bench with a box of chocolates on my lap (you never know what you're gonna get..) while the hustle and bustle pass me by.

What a weird, but not totally unpleasant feeling. Huh. I just wish I did have the box of chocolates tho....might help make the time more pleasant. zoom.

turkey trots

I just felt like titling this turkey trots for no reason other than it cracks me up. Well its been a very odd couple of months since my mean blog about the binnys. My mom died. Yep. Gone, ceasing to exist, left the building, er, planet, er whatever. Gone on to a better place (tired of that one). There is this big empty spot where there used to be someone I needed to take care of and get guilt from. Get angry with and feel bad for. Feel like I had something to prove to and beg for love from. Now I clean. And cook. And make her recipes and use her dishes and plates and stuff. I'm bound and determined to finish all or 95% completed craft projects and even the ones that are just started. I can't let go of her scarves. She hasn't worn a scarf since 1968 but I still cannot let go of them. Or her cool 40s costume jewelery, or my pursuit of the perfect family meal.

It is going to take some getting used to this not having parents. It is going to take some getting used to that I am now the older generation. Reminds me.....I have to call Michael so he can do my roots!