You can't make this stuff up

So my beloved iPod is dying. This is my constant companion, my friend, my protector from the insepid chattering conversation on the train. It is like sitting at the bed side of someone dying watching the life slowly ebb away (which sadly I have done...whoops, sorry mom, just equated you with an iPod and on mothers day!). The problem? This is it simply - my hole is too big. Serious. My freakin hole is too big. Oh, I know, you say "well get a bigger male adapter". Sorry sunshine, no can do as they make the male ends of the headphones in one size only....and it is too small for my hole. I think after constant use, dropping it and pulling out quickly, my hole has gotten damaged. Sigh. So on to the story.........

It is gorgeous out so I went for a run. Have on my target jogging shorts and am enjoying the beautiful weather..........when....my iPod ceases to exist. Well it is existing but no noise is coming out. No sound, no music, no Hansens (I think most of you remember THAT story)..... continuing to wear this on your ears and hold it is about the same as wearing a dead animal on your head. So I stop, wrap it up and do the only sensible thing....I put it in the waistband of my jogging shorts. It seems fairly secure and I run. A few moments in the iPod dislodges itself and starts to head south and is floating around the panty portion of these jogging shorts. I stop so that I can stick my hand into my pants and retrieve it when I am accosted by my new neighbors on a leisurely sunday walk........sadly, when I stop the iPod rests itself against my pubic bone and points itself outward...yes.....like a, um, hardon. I am not sure what to do....should I stick my hand down my pants causing my neighbors to wonder what in the heck type of pervert do they live by or hope they don't notice this protrusion from my nether region.......well I do the next logical thing...I cross my legs....which makes it point out even further....they hastily turn and walk away muttering to each other. I shove my hand down my pants and pull out the offending iPod. The iPod that has been such a faithful companion and now, in its final moments betrays me! My neighbors now believe they live next to a transvestite, transexual, transwhatever.......I have always wanted to start a band called grannies and trannies...I just used to think I'd be the granny!!!