Sunday, November 14, 2010

Why do I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers?

I have a absolute hatred of the Pittsburgh Steelers...always have. Why? I don't know. I mean, I hate the Packers but you have to if you are a Bears fan...that is natural. But the steelers? I mean I hate the cowboys but again that is natural if you don't live in Dallas. (I think it was all those years of "america's team". Really? So if you are a fan of any other team you aren't an american. Bullshit Baby!!) I hate the celtics but that is because I lived in LA for many years and was a Laker fan (natch....natural!). I don't really hate any baseball teams but that could be as I don't really enjoy baseball.

It is a puzzle to me. I don't hate the city of Pittsburgh and have a dear friend who hails from there. Also I've heard it has really begun to turn around and is quite the nice place to stay. Don't hate the pirates. In fact the pittsburgh pirates brings a smile to my face as I immediately think of Chuck Tanner and "we are family"(SHUT UP ALL OF YOU WHO ARE TOO YOUNG AND THAT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU!! - YES I KNOW I AM YELLING...I HAD TO SUFFER THROUGH A BITE OF LAMB/TURKEY MEATLOAF - THAT IS ENOUGH TO MAKE A SOFT WOMAN HARD!)

Ahem. Still no clue, but I bet I'm in good company with many people who hate teams but have no logical reason for it. Must have been fondled by a steelworker or been locked in a room with black and yellow as a child.

Saturday, November 6, 2010


So I've neglected you my little blog. I want to push out the normal excuses over how busy I've been, blah blah blah...but I think it is just lazyness.

Its been an odd week. You would think some of the folks I know who are those mean bitter "i just want mine and am afraid you might get something I didnt" would at least be happy but noooooo they just keep bitterness alive. Sort of like the chant "KEEP HOPE ALIVE" it appears they run in packs yelling "KEEP BITTERNESS ALIVE!!". They applaud the folks that say they hope this current administration fails and that it is their #1 job to make sure the President is a one termer (Really - not the economy? healthcare? security?)...apparently that is the apex of patriotism....To want to see your government fail. But that is not the worst of saddens me how they begrudge people who are getting basic service assistance from the government simply to maintain life. Yep, that unemployment insurance sure can help you live life high on the hog!! I think I'll quit my fairly well paying job to make 293 a week! I mean I can then get food stamps!! 132 a month!! Oh yea, that whole welfare mother thing!! I can get an additional 132 a month for each kid!! Don't even count in the other assistance I can get for children. YEEHAWWW I'd be really living than man! ARE YOU PEOPLE SERIOUS??? Oh yea, let me remind you of these "I am a self made man" types of folks who begrudge the downtrodden....yea you had nooooo advantages in life. Most of these people grew up in nice fluffy suburbs, with good school systems. Got a great education because of who they were born to. I'm not saying people had sunshiney lives, but my god.....grow a little compassion, understanding and stop labeling an entire group of people because Fox news told you something about a handful. Actually why don't you stop watching Fox news altogether? Or listening to GBeck? Or Rush? Or Laura? Or Ann? Why don't you use that nice education that living in a nice place got ya and investigate? Read? Confirm? (Hey my liberal compatriots...that goes for you too, no one is getting off the hook here). Head out of your ass time people. Lets look at facts YOU found....not ideas someone told you about.

Oh, well.. I know youse won't do it...its hard work to figure out what you believe. Much easier to let someone else tell you what you believe. Worked a bit for Hitler's, Stalin, Sadaam Hussein and Pol Pot's followers ! Great job America!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


As the mother of a college graduate who is returning to the fold and a college sophmore about to head to her first apartment I have forgotten the excitement/anxiety/anticipation (all those vowel words) about the first day of school. The blueness that those sweet summer days are over, the after dinner runs to Sonic for a treat are a pleasant memory and staying up late watching the fireflies are now in the ago. Forgotten is the feeling of a new start, a renewed energy and the joy of a fresh box of crayons. It is amazing how those memories come crashing back with the simplest provocation......the shrieking of the neighborhood children as they crowd into carpool vans, walking up the streets in their new backpacks childhood gossips on their lips, freshly licensed teens driving too fast up the street, music blaring, devil may care in their heart. Again, one more reminder of why living in this neighborhood is sweetness itself.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

The horse you rode in on

When I was growing up in NewSuburbia Illinois I hated it. Or shall I say I hated the idea of it. A subdivision in between two cornfields, no major shopping, at the beginning not even mail delivery. Driving to the neighboring city to the train station, driving miles to the nearest department store, no city vibe, not the experience my heart the time...... I always yearned for more while playing kick the can, ghosts in the graveyard on endless summer nights and cool fall evenings trying to cheat a little bit of time before the snow covered the ground. Riding bikes on makeshift ramps at construction sites of the new jr high, church and pool....walking to the liquor store with a note from my parents and actually being sold liquor...opening the door of the local ginjoint only to hear yourself be greeted by your parents friends (and promptly walking your underage self out of the place). Suffering hour after hour of plebeian thoughts, midwestern mindsets, puritanical values and big hair........

I fled to the west, disdained my upbringing and started on a new discover.....what a lovely journey it actually had been to get there. How amazing it was to have the freedom to ride those bikes through construction sites, be known enough so the the liquor store owner would sell you the hootch and knowing if it really wasn't for your folks you would be found out, how crazy it was to be 10 years old and running through the dark neighborhood at 10 at night with your gang, no cell phone, no beeper, no worries....How the plebeian thoughts and midwestern mindsets combined with puritanical values made you safe, cherished, loved...created an atmosphere in which you had a whole town that was your safety net, your cheerleader, your biggest fan....(The big hair, not so much). How wonderful to meet with the people from your lucky to be given the opportunity to hold one hand out to your future and firmly grasp with the other hand your past...a past full of love, comfort and support.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


So we were all in flagstaff at a family reunion. A couple of heavenly days with children running amok, delicious food, hiking, grand canyoning, drinking grand canyon brewing company beer (well really just me, nice to be with mormons....meant an endless supply of beer in the little lobby store!) and basketball pick up games. Whenever I attend these events it makes me a little sad as I wish I had been able (made impossible due mainly to geographic location) to know more about my adult nieces and nephews. Luckily there seems to be a bond that has maintained and a closeness that comes from watching a human go from tot to adult. This family is generous of spirit and has a warmth and honesty that comes from having a matriarch who was smart, funny, determined, practical with a well defined idea of "what is the right way". "I'm not sure that is right" and "I'm not saying that my way is the only way, I just think it is the right way".

On top of all of this, I got to spend a few days with my adults, who even tho they truly are adults are still my babies. Seeing them interact with each other and then their cousins...well its worth the price admission (seeing burke and his cousin's husband clint endlessly challenged to basketball games by 10 year olds, hilarious, sweet and a tale to be told through the years!). The icing on the cake was a poolside visit with one of my original babies, cam, her husband and her baby, plus her parents. There is a wonderful moment in life when the people you knew as babies turn into amazing adults and you start to relate to them on a peer level. You still keep the unconditional I'm the auntie love for them but you also realize you want to hang with them on an adult level.


Sunday, June 6, 2010

The tweety blanket

The tweety blanket is my blankie. Tweety blanket is about 10 years old. We bought it as the young girl had to have it when we were in tijuana. We had been on a hunt for the ugliest souvenir. This is a contest we have with our good friends. We almost bought a very large cross however the amount of money it would cost to bring it home on the plane nixed that idea. (Very temping as it was lifesize and was on rollers!) Then we almost bought a wooden bar that had tiny teeny little bottles of alcohol and a thatched roof. But then.....lurking in the ceramic shop we found it.....a winnie the pooh and piglet cookie jar. The wonderful ugly horrible thing about this cookie jar is that not only were the colors off (too pastel) but that piglet looked or a gay stereotype. We had to snap it up. You can't pass stuff like that up. We returned from mexico with gay cookie jar, "gold", a leather san francisco 49ers hat (its stylin), tweety blanket and two fairly traumatized children. A good time indeed!!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Thank you men of Chicago!!

(I wish I had pictures to post but that would have been a bit creepy....)

I'd like to thank all of you men in chicago for making my walk in from the train a glorious one. Not only is the weather fantastic but all of you were as well.....beginning with the guy, with the very well formed worked out butt walking in front of me as I left the train station. Oh thank you kind sir for all the squats you have no doubt done to give me that vision of loveliness....then all the other well shaped men...the older man in the orangey shirt with the khaki pants, very cool sunglasses....the man who looked like he threw 50 pound weights by the look of his arms bulging through his business shirt and the fine italian leather shoes....Much older guy collecting for the veterans on Michigan avenue, clean, crisp, dishy!!! Oh my!!! There are so many others and gentlemen whose eyes I caught...thank you for smiling back. I swear to god it wasthisclose to making out one of you as we passed. IS going to be a great weekend!!!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Yep....Yep I am

So we are playing for the stanley cup. I am still all hoosly over that fact. Seems very chicago our team. Yes yes I know we are the CHICAGO blackhawks, but they seem to embody the city. One big bruiser guy, a couple of young kids keeping their heads down and working hard, a quiet stoic guy from another country impressing the city and a guy with a funny porn mustache. Ah yes, that truly is chicago!

So I'm playing around with all sorts of new stuff and have been keeping my head down for most part this morning. I picked my head up and looked to my right and laughed. I have a poster of the first 10 doctors (doctors??? You have the nerve to say "what doctors??"). Dr. Who. I have this poster from the Dr Who magazine (yes, yes, I know, I am, I know) and I affixed it to my wall. I have david tennant quizically looking at me all day. I think it is because he is trying to figure out how to get into my time and relative dimension in space............


Sunday, May 23, 2010

Picture me rollin'

The title is for no other reason than the fact that I have that Tupac song running through my head. Good song as is any that has the line "move smooth as a motherfucker, me and my 9".....

So its sunday. Game 4 of the hawks shark series. Being a true Chicagoan I speak not of it. I simply say Go Hawks and that I can't wait for the game to start. That is it. Nuff said. No mo, no less. Cause I move smooth as a mother fucker.

Dead sexy gorgeous out there. My yard is amazing. I am having a happy suburbanite moment. My coffee, my toast, my balcony and my green green grass of home. Gonna be a hot one but right now sitting out there in my tshirt and little else, it is perfect weather. Cause I move smooth as a motherfucker I guess.

So this morning it seems like the day is full of possibilities. Know for sure I'll be screaming my lungs out during the game with some fun folk and maybe meet some other fun folk. Not sure what will happen after the game but I'm sure I'll be as smooth as a mother fucker....if I could just figure out what that means....

Saturday, May 22, 2010

The best part of saturday

The picture reminds me of the best part of saturday........the morning/early afternoon. Usually I am lucky enough to be able to linger in bed a little bit with my best bed companion flicka....before you go THERE your dirty sods, flicka is the name of my trusty laptop. (And those of you reading this thinking "who/what is flicka....good lord" altho I googled it and apparently they made a movie of that name in 2006. ) Then after coffee, really good toast (again, wild woman) I start the "punish the body". Do the floor exercises, the weights, then off for a run in the neighborhood. My run reminds me why I really enjoy this neighborhood. Great mix of ethnicities, great mix of out playing, people doing yard work, men taking a break, beers in hand watching tv that is situated in their garage. Women chatting in the driveways, youngish men driving cars down the main street shouting things about my butt(Seriously??? Seriously??? I'm working here! but THANK YOU)..........So green, so suburban, so comforting. Take that and the blasting through my ipod (which now mysteriously works again I think it wants round to of the humiliation game, well you shall not be rewarded ipod!) of The English!
(If you look real hard you can see the tweetie blanket that we got ali in tijuana about 15 years ago. I am truly the hand me down to queen).

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Blood Bath

Delightful walk into the city today. Birds chirping, spring in the air and my step. Walk to the farmers market on the way to the office and am assaulted by a bevy of baked goods...who can resist (not these hips!). However.........the fountain that spurts water up in the center of the plaza is spurting red water! It looks like blood!! Someone tells me it is in honor of the Hockey Playoffs....Did the hawks kill some sharks and dump their bodies in the fountain? (Very chicagolike) You get the feeling if you look long enough body parts will float to the top. Is this a sign of what the hawks will do to the sharks this weekend ?(See pic earlier in blog).

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Obsessive Love

You know who you taunt me with your sashaying down wacker. Your perky spiky hair, talking on the phone, daring me to look in your direction. I want you to dress me... I want to drink cosmos with you while watching endless hour of sex in the city (and I hate that show). I want to have late night phone calls in which we giggle and talk about boys....ohhhhhhh cutest most adorable gay man on earth....why must you be so cruel????

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Monday, May 17, 2010

Just saying......

Good job Niemi! You did us proud in game 1 boys!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

No...seriously...they're real... of those days in which you get a wake up call that yes, you are that damn old. I enjoy being my age, truly, but sometimes........ I was doing laundry and since I'm schluberella in attire today I do not have a bra on. I am a chipper bouncy little thing so when I go down the stairs to move the laundry around I usually do it with a jaunty step. I go down the stairs and hear a definite slapping sound.....the sound of my breasts slapping against my body. Fascinating. Horrifying...but.......sort of made me feel good for a moment cause who knew I was so voluptuous?? Yea me!!!!! (Sadly after thinking about it, I think it simply means gravity is stretching them into sock puppets)

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Saturday musings...


I am not sure why this made me laugh. Lion brand yarn sends me weekly emails...(Yea, I like to knit, shut the hell up!!). Today the subject line was "Washcloth of the day!". Hmmm... woo hoo!!!!

Got B's diploma, cum laude, in the mail. Wow. He did all the work but I feel all the pride! Wish my mom were still here. I would have gone over there, she would have clapped her hands together and done her "ooohhh" noise. Then we would get something that we could "make a meal out of". (inside I'm not explaining)

Laughed so hard last night that my nose ran. Dead sexy...

Have one of those glorious saturdays where I really don't have to do anything or go anywhere at any certain time. Destined to spend a lot of time right here in my bed with my laptop and my coffee. Bad tv, some gooey cake, oooohhh...heaven.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

You can't make this stuff up

So my beloved iPod is dying. This is my constant companion, my friend, my protector from the insepid chattering conversation on the train. It is like sitting at the bed side of someone dying watching the life slowly ebb away (which sadly I have done...whoops, sorry mom, just equated you with an iPod and on mothers day!). The problem? This is it simply - my hole is too big. Serious. My freakin hole is too big. Oh, I know, you say "well get a bigger male adapter". Sorry sunshine, no can do as they make the male ends of the headphones in one size only....and it is too small for my hole. I think after constant use, dropping it and pulling out quickly, my hole has gotten damaged. Sigh. So on to the story.........

It is gorgeous out so I went for a run. Have on my target jogging shorts and am enjoying the beautiful iPod ceases to exist. Well it is existing but no noise is coming out. No sound, no music, no Hansens (I think most of you remember THAT story)..... continuing to wear this on your ears and hold it is about the same as wearing a dead animal on your head. So I stop, wrap it up and do the only sensible thing....I put it in the waistband of my jogging shorts. It seems fairly secure and I run. A few moments in the iPod dislodges itself and starts to head south and is floating around the panty portion of these jogging shorts. I stop so that I can stick my hand into my pants and retrieve it when I am accosted by my new neighbors on a leisurely sunday walk........sadly, when I stop the iPod rests itself against my pubic bone and points itself a, um, hardon. I am not sure what to do....should I stick my hand down my pants causing my neighbors to wonder what in the heck type of pervert do they live by or hope they don't notice this protrusion from my nether region.......well I do the next logical thing...I cross my legs....which makes it point out even further....they hastily turn and walk away muttering to each other. I shove my hand down my pants and pull out the offending iPod. The iPod that has been such a faithful companion and now, in its final moments betrays me! My neighbors now believe they live next to a transvestite, transexual, transwhatever.......I have always wanted to start a band called grannies and trannies...I just used to think I'd be the granny!!!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Cutest most adorable gay man on earth

I walk from the train into the city to my job every morning and then back to the train again at nite. In my journeys I pass many people, a lot of whom I now recognize. It is like the people on the train. Very familiar yet very much anonymous. Whenever I have seen these people at places other than the train or in the city on the street there is at once a nagging thought in the back of my head (where do I know them from?) followed up by the uncertainty of what the etiquette is. Do I acknowledge them? I mean I know them but I don't know them. There have been a couple of ocassions that you spot one of your fellow commuters back in the burbs at the same time they spot you and there is a rush of smile, intake of breath and an Aha! Normally you continue on your path and usually tell the person you are with "they are on my train!". There are times however that I feel compelled to accost people because I find them so interesting or adorable....hence my current dilemma with my cutest most adorable gay man on earth. I pass him almost every morning and every evening on wacker. Sometimes on Lake. He is perfectly coiffed, coordinated and pressed. He has a jaunty, saucy, fluid way of walking with a purposeful look on his face. I have played in my head the conversation a million times.."Hello!! I just wanted to say I find you so well put together and stylish!" "Oh, what a dear you are!" or perhaps "tsk, stalker!". It makes my morning to see him walking towards me. It completes my work day when I am walking to the train and he passes me going home. I have an entire fantasy world (he has a loving boyfriend, crazy hag girlfriends, is a gourmet cook with an extensive wine collection) in which he lives. It is almost one of those scary situation in which you hope the reality meets the fantasy but sadly, rarely does. Well, I guess for now my cutest most adorable gay man on earth, you are safe from my clutches.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

But Organ

Go to trader joes today as I'm on this new environmental/organic/less carbon footprint/I am just trying to be more aware kick. (You can not even imagine how much crap is in our food until you read labels, I may lose weight yet!). I am thinking how horribly dressed and sloppy everyone is. I'm a right little judgemental thing, sweatpants, horrid ugly track suits, too much makeup, odd pants high heeled boots combos. I'm just tsk tsking my way through the aisles until.....I look down....and I am wearing a purple parka, my hair all askew, green yoga pants that are hand me downs and having bleach stains all over them (which are orange...) tucked into my winter furry boots....ah.........physician heal thyself......

Well went for tapas last night which was fun so I decided to do a whole platter tonite of things in a sort of tapas vein. Made a huge pasta for lunch so just want nibbles tonite. I buy cheeses, meats, pates, crackers, awesome heirloom tomatos, stuff like that. One of the items I buy is "bread and butter pickles, organic". I get up to the cashier and the first item he rings up are the pickles. They ring up like this on my little screen "pickles, bread and but organ". BUT ORGAN!!! I scream out laughing. The clerk says "huh?" I said look here. Sure enough it says but organ. We both start laughing. He says "I wonder how you play a but organ" I say "easier after a burrito!" He says "I wonder how a but organ tastes?" I say "Not so good after a burrito". It is the comedy act of the century (well, okay, maybe of the minute). After he rings me up he says "Have a nice night and a better rest of your weekend" and I say "I will now CAUSE I HAVE A BUT ORGAN!". is fun, isn't it?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

those sexy conservatives!

Wow, what a bunch of horndogs those crazy conservatives are. First off, a big group of them are teabaggers....who knew?? Even with my raging liberal hormones, I've never found teabagging to be very appealing but what do I know? I also don't find sarah palin very smart so I guess we just don't have the same views......Now I read that Mitt Romney is "fudging" the truth. Fudging........fudge.........he apparently fudges the truth. fudge. Its making me giggle just thinking of it. First they teabag, then they pack the fudge, er fudge the truth. Er....... What a bunch of dirty old dogs those conservatives are, nudge nudge wink wink say no more!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Rick Bayliss is trying to kill me

I had some time before my train ride home, so I thought why not go and try the new takeout place that rick bayliss has. I went in, ordered a pork concoction (i mean, I loves me some pork and isn't the word "concoction" fun to say?) and went on my way to the train. The food was delicious.......however.......about 30 minutes into the eating I felt a tingling under my tongue....then the swelling started (It would be fun when someone says "how was your night" to just answer "fine until the swelling started"). So I'm on the train, my tongue is swollen, and my lips start to swell. Then.....I break out into hives. People are looking at me cause I swear they can see it happening right before their eyes. I get off the train and go to walgreens where the pharmacist, looking horrified, suggests I drink some benedryl. Then take some benedryl pills....while on my way to the emergency room. I of course just slug down the benedryl and head home. At this point my entire body feels as if it is on fire and itches all over. I feel as if my throat is starting to close up but cannot be sure if I am just in a panic or actually dying. I decide to ride it out (which for me means drinking mass quantities of water and alternately chewing benedryl tablets) and begin a hallucination/fantasy of bayliss in his kitchen, rubbing his hands saying "take that my little pretty" all because I was rooting for whatshisnuts keller on top chef masters. YOU WIN BAYLISS!! YOU WON! I give!!!

Monday, January 25, 2010

I suck at hello kitty bingo.....

So's I go over to see the girlies cause I need some 3/4 year old time., plus it is nice to be ordered around by little tiny people. We made pizza, we drank wine (no not the 3 and 4 year olds.. sheesh folks) and then decided to watch the secret of nimh....well WE didn't decide, the 4 year old did. I have to say my attention span does not relate well to the secret of nimh. Who is nimh? Is it a what? I'm still confused...anyhow, in a very lovely comfy godmother/goddaughter moment, 4 year old snuggled up with me and we watched nimh. To be honest I would have watched paint dry with her. So I'm watching this movie and at the same time trying to converse with the adults in the room who are sitting behind and to my right. Everytime I speak, 4 year old SHUSSSHES me. After numerous shuusssshes she tells me "you can talk to them but you have to look forward and watch this" So I talk while keeping my eyes firmly forward looking for and trying to figure out this whole nimh thing. After several minutes becky says "Why won't you look at me when you talk?" And I felt foolish saying "because your 4 year old daughter won't let me!!!". Well she finally gets bored of nimh (and now i'm oddly facinated cause I still don't get the nimh thing and WHY everyone is running from the tractor, but thankfully I have a short attention span. We decide to play hello kitty bingo. I really enjoy hello kitty bingo, especially when a 3 year old calls it. Every call produces a "oooh isn't that adorable" reaction from this devoted aunt. So we play and Uncle Teve yells bingo....daddy yells bingo.....4 year old yells bingo, mommy yells bingo, back to uncle teve and so on and poor ole auntie godmudder is getting nothing. I mean, seriously....sucking at hello kitty bingo???

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Its ALWAYS someones time of the month

So, or So's (shout out to LA) I'm in walgreens last night dropping off a prescription. It is about 1030 pm, on a saturday. There, in the sanitary needs aisle, is a very large thugish gangbanger type looking pretty fierce. He is on the phone and holding a box of minipads. "Baby, the only ones I see are the ones in the green package. Oh baby, no no, don't make me ask anyone". The poor thing is arguing on the phone, but his tone is hushed and fearful. He hangs up the phone and continues down the aisle to check out firmly gripping his green packaged mini pads. He gets up to the counter and the clerk says "these are buy one get one with coupon, I have the coupon right here" (The guy is trying to shush her and tell her this is fine he just wants this one) "CURTIS!! CURTIS!!" A young man in a walgreen's vest turns and looks towards the cash register "SEE THIS PACKAGE OF MINI PADS???? CAN YOU GO IN THE MINI PAD AISLE AND GET ANOTHER ONE FOR THIS GUY??? IT IS BUY ONE GET ONE!!" She turns to the guy "DO YOU WANT MAYBE ANOTHER KIND??" I say 'Yea, those are light, perhaps you have a heavy flow option?" The clerk says 'OH YEA, THAT IS A GOOD IDEA - CURTIS!! CURTIS!!! I THINK THE GUY WANTS THE HEAVY FLOW OPTION - THE BLUE ONE!!". To which the gangbanger totally -whipped guy says "um, yea , I actually was looking for the blue one....".

Can't make this stuff up.